Technology | GeorgeKovats.com

Google plus: meh

2011.07.17

You’ll see a lot of talk about a second tech bubble a lot these days, and understandably so. We’re so prone to swooning over big moves on Internet, especially when it’s from one of the top players.

Remember Google Wave? I barely do – never really followed it, just recall the month or so of anticipatory hype. Then nothing. But if you look back at some of the press it got during it’s time, you’d think it was going to change everything. Of course it ended up not lasting long enough to really educate most folks on what it was supposed to be.

I’m not going to say Google+ is Google Wave redux, but the hype factor is quite similar, so I’ll choose to discount it’s coverage as an indicator of future success. Let’s remember, it’s Google. They could release a new web service centered around colon health, and it’d have 50 million users in it’s first week. I’m not surprised “Google’s take on Facebook” gets 10 million users it’s first week, especially when wrapped by a super-secret-limited-share release that only amps the interest.

Looking at the service itself and the environment it enters, it’s looking to take away from Facebook’s 750 million users. Facebook was clever how it found and fit a niche: making the act of sharing personal information fun, and reaping massive profits from it’s surrounding targeted advertising network. Of course, this is a sore spot for Google – that’s their racket too, only Google doesn’t make it as fun, and they’re a whole lot sneakier about it.

So why will an exodus of Facebook’s 750 million flock to Google+?

Privacy Concern: I would really hope not. Comparing Facebook and Google on respect for user privacy is like comparing which handgun is safest for toddlers. I read a guy claiming Google’s terms of use are friendlier than those of Zuckerberg, and maybe so. But come on. I almost prefer a Facebook’s brazen “I will exploit every life detail you share” policy versus the more discreet Google approach, which only your imagination can expand on.

Minimalist Design: OK, this one actually draws users, but probably not the droves you’d expect. Geek chic loves pretty interfaces, fewer buttons, smooth transitions, and everything that feels new. If geek chic were a cultural group, Apple would be their religion, and Google Chrome would be the window they view the world through. It’s a strong, vibrant base in the computer user market.

It’s also a minority. Apple computers makes up about 11% of the market, and Chrome users are around the same. Problem is, Facebook became Facebook because you could find anyone on it, not just the guys you knew at the Coffee Shop or in Art class. Which leads into…

Users: If you want to beat Facebook, you better start sprouting users (and I don’t mean Google users, but Google+ users – look at Google Buzz to understand the difference). Yes, Google is ubiquitous and yes, it stands to benefit from nagging every user with your little icon at the top of every authenticated Google product user experience. But if you don’t have high school friends and fantasy football league buddies waiting on the other end of that icon, it ends up just another forum to broadcast what you ate for breakfast and hope it sparks a conversation.

Features: This one I don’t buy too much either. Circles are nice, granted. Frankly creating a “work” circle effectively is all I needed to completely replace my LinkedIn account (some manner to separate my drunken ravings from my professional drunken ravings). But, I’d argue features are too subjective and more vulnerable to competition and one-ups manship. One could argue Bing has fresher features than Google’s standard search, but that ain’t helping them much on market share.

The bottom line as far as I’m concerned is Google+ will not replace Facebook, but if it’s successful in the next 3 months, could stand to compete. Maybe it’ll live as a “geek’s choice” social network, just as its incomplete browser product serves the same base. But if it ever plans to take over Facebook and succeed in world domination, it’s too late to just do Facebook “but better.” Facebook did it at the exact right time. Google will have to do something different. Something that doesn’t feel like a smart guy’s take on an online property that’s thrived over the last several years. They’ve got the mental horsepower and resources to do it.

Otherwise, Google will have to go back to what it’s sublime at: filling niches that no one has dominated yet with clever solutions and harvesting massive amounts of behavioral user data for its advertising empire.

Air of Agility

2011.05.26

You want to know the secret to staying healthy? Eat right, and exercise.

What, you need more? OK, eat fruits, avoid excess starches and fats, and do aerobic exercise 3 times a week for 30 minutes or more.

If we keep going further, we could get into a variety of prescriptive systems for achieving a balanced diet and exercise routine. Assuming you find a winner among the proposed systems and you have detailed advice on how to achieve an ideal eating and active routine, at best what you have is a blanket set of guidelines.

And truthfully, the guidelines will most times not be far from what’s common knowledge on the subjects of eating and exercise. People don’t hire personal trainers and pay for dietary meal plans because they haven’t figured that fast food and sedentary habits lead to double chins. They pay for these things because they need help with practicing within guidelines. They know and have likely tried to practice within commonly accepted guidelines, but for a number of reasons it’s usually difficult, and the status quo wins. Guidelines are often hard.

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Tech Progress?

2008.07.09

Working in IT, you’d think I would be more interested with what technology brings us – all the little neat gizmos and websites people come up with that change the way we kill hours of valuable time each day. Yet, in my eyes, most of it seems to be crap.

Enter the Blackberry. I got one recently for work. At first I was reluctant because I cringe everytime I see a douchebag thumbing out an email while ordering a sandwich from the supermarket deli. But, for work reasons, it made sense to be even more reachable (having a cellphone wouldn’t cut it – some folks consider calling someone’s cellphone too much a chore).

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Automation Unchecked

2007.01.21

Haven’t we gone a bit far with automation in everyday life?

I’ll admit I’m no historian, but I think it all started with those automated doors at supermarkets, and then just went horribly awry from there. People at that time probably thought it was the coolest thing to see a door swing open every time you stepped on the big black mat… and it was. It was almost like a game for kids – about the only game you had if you were dragged to the supermarket with your mom. Try to step on the mat slowly, and see if you can trick it into not opening. Then, try to get it to open and close quick enough to appear like a big sideways mouth that’s talking. Hee hee!!

The next advance was when street lights started getting more intelligent. They grew motion sensors that let them know cars have stopped coming from the side street, so they can let the main road keep moving again. This ended up meaning if you’re trailing the next car going through a green light by more than 100 feet, you know it’s going to be an “orange” light by the time you’re heading through the intersection, so you have to make that last minute “gun it or screech” decision. It also meant if the oncoming turn lane has 800 cars waiting to make a left, you’re gonna be stuck for 45 minutes before your side turns green.

Next, and perhaps not chronologically speaking, cars started getting too damn smart for their own good. We started hearing about “computers” built into our cars, and soon after, computers that needed to be replaced in cars (“I gotta’ replace my car’s computer? What the hell is this, Star Trek?!“). Of course, thanks to the computer in our cars, there’s a whole host of sensors that are strewn throughout the engine compartment that enjoy breaking down around the 75,000 mile marker, drumming up more steady business for mechanics. Sensors remind you when to replace your oil, when your lights should be on, and when your door shouldn’t be open – all whether you want to be reminded or not.

And of course there’s the mother of all car annoyances, the friggin’ Check Engine light. It’s become the all knowing orb of your car’s health. You can’t tell what the hell it means – could be a broken valve, or it could be a loose windshield wiper. Many times, mechanics will tell you it’s nothing to worry about (one of your 400 practically useless sensors has burned out) and to ignore it, which pisses me off. What’s the point of a red flag if you’re gonna just disregard the stupid thing? I was told to ignore the Check Engine light in Pennsylvania, and when it burned out completely in Georgia, my car couldn’t pass inspection until I spent $200 to rip open the dashboard and replace a $1.00 light bulb. Friggin’ light.

And have you ever seen your oil light? I haven’t seen that light in any of my cars, ever. What’s the deal there?

Finally, the big daddy of all automation madness is in public bathrooms. It all started when little red lights started showing up on urinals, ominously pointing right at our crotches. You’d have to look at these things for a minute to realize they would flush on their own. Being an activity that most adults have been doing since age 2, it’s a bit unnerving to see that someone found the need to let the toilets takeover the task of flushing.

Why stop there? Why not toilets and urinals that suck your excrement, relieving the burdens on your bladder and bowels?

Then came the automated faucets. These things are not reliable. You inevitably have to play “find the hot spot” every time you use these damn things, waving your hands around like you’re searching for cob webs. When you find that right spot, if you budge from it an inch, the water shuts off and you have to start over again. And, when the sensors break, you’re stuck with nothing more than an oddly placed tow hitch, refusing to do a simple job you could easily trigger with, say, a lever or knob of some kind. You know? Like those old fashioned faucets?

And these towel dispensers have taken on a mom’s role in the rest room. “No Jimmy, one towel is more than enough to dry your hands!” Bullsh*t – I use 17 towels, and I may just clean out your soap dispenser while I’m here! Restrooms are willing to splurge on their $500 Rea-D Towel 3000, but they’re pressed to save a few cents on extra towels. It’s stupid, demeaning, and I’d rather deal with one of those antique, steam-operated hand dryers (the kind that leave your hands moist after 12 minutes of hot air) than fight with those friggin’ automatic towel machines to get a second paper towel.

I know these “advances” don’t come from the environmental movement – they come from corporate douchebags targeting business owners who want to save $6 a year on their water bill. You can tell because each of these items is too condescending to be a work of positive advancement for anyone.

I’m not an enemy of automation.

I love the fact that my iron turns off automatically after 10 minutes. I feel warm knowing my air bag can tell the right time to blow up in my face. But when you start messing with the things we’ve handled for decades without issue, leave them alone. We don’t need any more automation in the car, the bathroom or any place else we enjoy everyday, simple amounts of control. We evolved with arms and hands for a reason, and it wasn’t so an electronic sensor could take over the task of flipping light swtiches, dispensing ice cubes or telling me to “Please place items in shopping bag to continue scanning.”

See ya, 06!

2006.12.26

Yeah, it’s another year gone. Sure, you can say that doesn’t happen until New Year’s Day, but once you start seeing the after-Christmas sales, you know the year is pretty much shot. All the “Year in Review” cable and network shows have already aired, desk calendars are already being swapped,… you can call it quits for 2006.

And so, once again, it’s time to look back on our mistakes and move forward with their painful lessons still fresh in our minds. What lessons did 2006 offer? Well, here’s three things I think are worth noting.

1. Today, it only takes $1,400 and an iMac to make the next computer-animated children’s movie.

Ant Bully, Cars, Over the Hedge, Ice Age 2, Madagascar, Barnyard, Happy Feet, Monster House, Open Season… Open Season!!! And, the list goes on.

This year, an Army of, well, “turd” animation films were released, continuing audience’s growing apathy toward what used to be a fascinating movie medium. The days of Toy Story and taking years of production work to craft an animated film are long over.

These days, all you need to make an animated flick is one weekend in a sound studio with a half-dozen worn-out actors, a screenplay that can fit on the back of a Denny’s lunch menu and about 3 art college graduates to make the next kids film bomb.

And getting back to Open Season for a moment, the thing that kills me about the movie is the casting. Somewhere in Hollywood (or nowadays, perhaps Calgary), someone thought, “Hey, you know, I just don’t see enough of Martin Lawrence or Ashton Kutcher. Why don’t we cast them both in a film targeting kids?!”

Even though I pose the question rhetorically, I’ll answer it anyway. Because Martin Lawrence is the same vulgar idiot who couldn’t make it through an entire Saturday Night Live monlogue without dropping 30 F-bombs over a rant about venereal diseases, and Ashton Kutcher’s likeability and screen appeal are shorter than the half-life of a fart. (Post-edit: OK, little too harsh on Mr. Kutcher. Seems like a decent chap.)

2. America can tolerate a war for three years before it has to understand what the war is about.

I never paid attention to a mid-term election before, and to be honest, I didn’t even know what the hell one was. But, according to the razzle-dazzle meisters at the news networks, this “war” caused Republicans to lose Congress to the Democrats.

If you’re not Capitol Hill savvy and don’t know what this fully means, it’s kind of like on Who’s Line Is It Anyway when Wayne Brady gets a million points for one of his impromptu songs, and you’re thinking, “boy, I hope Colin Mochrie can catch up.” The points don’t matter, and effectively, neither does Congress. Drew Carey is just gonna pick a winner at random in the end anyhow – it’s in the Constitution.

What’s important is that, finally, people (not just half the nation, but almost everyone outside of Texas) are asking a question that you’d think would be three years late: “So what’s this whole war about now, and when do we win?” To find out, a crack team of Washington insiders formed the Iraqi study group (a self-titled crew of folks commissioned LONG after the need for an “Iraqi Study Group”) to present a huge ist of “I told you so’s” to the White House. This is what we’re good at – watching a disaster occur, and then asking “who dropped the ball?”

They’re startling conclusions? We’re in a mess. Their report was tantamount to a weatherman telling you that the wet stuff outside is rain, and that it’s falling from the sky. Great – we’re all worked up, and we have no one to blame our mess on. Apparently Republicans were a good scapegoat this year, and no doubt the brilliant logic of partisan politics will prevail in 2008 as well.

So now that we’ve found out how long it takes before America wants to understand it’s own war, the next question is how long it takes for America to extricate itself from the cluster-funk and somehow chalk up the mess as a “draw” on America’s war scorebard.

3. This online crap has gone TOO damn far…

I was browsing YouTube.com the other day. You know YouTube – it’s the web site built on video clips that capture the essence of American stupidity. Cats lighting farts, red necks on trampolines, sorority girls puking into kiddie pools,… you get the idea. The site showcases the most inane material bored teenagers can come up with and film.

What you don’t fully grasp until to browse the site is how inane the material is. Seriously. I recommend visiting the site for it’s educational value alone; you will lose some faith in humanity after a 10 minute visit.

Here’s the part that really gets me doubting our survival as a species: there are people who film themselves commenting on other people’s videos of inane crap. In other words, people have gone to the extent of taping themselves making passing comments on the films that other people have taped. And the worst part is, they’re not saying anything at all! “Yeah, it was good”, or “uh, I liked it” are easily captured in written prose – there is no need to bust out the camcorder to tell some shmuck in Idaho, “yeah, I kinda liked you film.”

Harsh reality

Has anyone ever recommended World of Warcraft or Everquest to you? They’re both examples of a new-age cult for fanboys who feel hobbies should require a $200 video card and a monthly subscription. Millions of people every moment of the day are playing these “MMORPG” games, satisfying their social interaction needs by trading magical swords for light-damage +1 hammers and mystical +3 armors, and even making long distance relationship connections – because nothing can highlights a person’s character better than the way their level 14 Mage wields a flaming fireball of Mazaloos.

The concept of putting hundreds of hours a month into a fantasy online world boggles my mind. However, at least you can say there’s a game to it. In Second Life, there is no game. It’s a game where the developers said to themselves, “let’s cut to the core of it: people just plainly do not like reality.” And so, they built a free online world where you basically… live. There isn’t a goal. There are no goblins, no mages, no fireballs of Mazaloos,… just you and a world of other online people.

It's a big hit in Wales This takes pathetic to the next level. Second Life has a fully blown economy. You can buy goods, services and even real estate using your actual Visa or Master Card. Why would you buy goods, services and real estate in Second Life using actual money? Typically, because you have too much money to begin with, and it’s a way to reward the games developers for giving you an avatar with a slim build and clear skin.

There’s no way to tie these all together…

…except to say that in that ultimately, we have a tendency to ruin things over time.

Other than these observations, hope your 2006 rocked like mine did. Remember, your resolutions for the year are just around the corner. A word of advice: go with the monthly gym membership. You’re only kidding yourself if you don’t.

'Tis the season to go spending!

2005.12.20

XMas 2k5 in the hizzy!!! Oh yes, it’s yet another year come and gone. You could tell it was coming back around Halloween-time when Christmas decorations were taking the place of what should have been batman costumes in Walmarts across America. Yes, the cynic in me (which has been a bit overbearing as of late) can see department stores have got us consumers nice and primed this season for a shopping frenzy! Oh, that well is `a primed and ready!

So primed in fact that Santa Claus was named the #1 richest fictional characters by Forbes Magazine. His net worth – “infinite”. Sure, Forbes gives a quaint little bio for the jolly patron saint of seasonal sales, but his infinite worth’s probably… on the money. (Oooh, a haphazard pun!!)

Ahem.

Still, you figure he man (allegedly fictional by Forbes’ account) literally obliges Christian parents to splurge on their kids. Now that’s marketing power! That’s a million times better than any lucky leprechaun or goofy giraffes the ad execs can come up with! People actually buy PSP’s and tickle-me-Elmo’s based on the idea of this one man’s service.

I know somewhere, Sam Walton thanks you kind sir. And while your at it, he’s interested in a few of your labor tips. Are those elves on State healthcare?

The Best of 2005?

At the top of the Christmas list for Americans – that is, all of us who celebrate it (I’ll hit that later) – is obviously XBox 360.

Totally un-photoshopped proof of the X360 marvel Going with my general theme of staying uninformed for my own protection, I’m purely speculating when I say that the new Xbox is able to travel through time! That’s right, Bill Gates has personally mastered Time Travel and priced it for you at $399 a pop. The new system will also be able to store up to 10 MP3′s, and function as a blood dialysis machine for lucky liver patient gamers everywhere!

Again, another reason why Microsoft is richer than… say,… me.

Aside from the crooked flag’s contribution to the 2K5 Xmastacular, I don’t know of anything else that’s really making little boys and girls pee their pants in anticipation. Tickle-me-Elmo’s and Cabbage Patch Dolls don’t seem to happen every season. There’s a few honorable mentions like the video iPod, an MP3 player that plays video. So, the next time you’re rear-ended by a distracted midtown driver, there will be one more possible factor in the accident. You or he could have been watching Turner and Hootch while listening to 4 Non Blondes.

Still, with lackluster performance from tech giants, the holiday spirit is still very alive this season. That’s right, Shopper Trampling `05 has been another successful season. Yes, Pat VanLester of Orange City, Florida (who’d have guessed Florida could make news?) was trampled reaching for a $29 DVD player. Her sister was quoted saying “All they cared about was a stupid DVD player.” Obviously, that’s not what waiting out in the cold for two hours on Black Friday morning is all about. For shame!

To me, people getting trampled on Black Friday to like people getting trampled during Spain’s running of the bulls. The only difference is bulls don’t have credit.

Getting serious for a second…

During this time of war, may we pray for peace and a forthcoming end to the War on Christmas, as well as the War on the War on Christmas. My Christian brethren, I stand by you in this fight of oppression. We may be small – only 75% of America – but if we press this issue now, we may one day have an openly Christian president. Maybe even 43 in a row, as Job Stewart once noted.

To my offended non-Christian brethren, you’re getting the day off of work anyway. So, Merry Christmas, and have a Happy not-yet-controversial-New Year!

Totally un-photoshopped proof of the X360 marvel

To those stuck in Secret Santas, or somehow know they’re receiving a present from someone and are tacitly obliged to return a similar cheap gift, may I suggest give cash instead of gift cards. Cash says, “skies the limit – that is, as long as the sky costs $10.” But a gift certificate says, “hey, I know nothing about your taste in restaurants or shopping, but this place was on my way home last weekend.”

If you’re stuck actually buying something, may I suggest a little book that suits all types of people. $11.99, Barnes & Noble, surefire hit. Hey, you’re welcome.

The charges we pay to be connected

2005.11.23

The use to be only two things that were certain in every American’s life. You know them: death, and taxes. Simple, acceptable terms for the red white and blue.

Then technology spoiled us, and now we have a few more: a phone provider, a TV provider and/or the Internet. It feels so damn sad to be at the mercy of being “connected”, but that’s what we deal with every time we sign a contract with the devil, cleverly disguised as Verizon, Comcast or any other service provider.

First off, what the hell is a service charge or a processing fee? Comcast offers no justification, just a circumstantial explanation:

[A processing fee] applies to locations that offer check or credit card payments over the phone.

What the hell is this? Basically, this is what a thug would call “protection fee”. It’s the polite way of saying, “you want service? You pay us what we tell you, or else you could try one of the other cable providers… heh heh heh.”

If you’re duped into the Comcast Internet deal, you’ll find immediately nothing is cheaper than $60 a month. If you bite the bullet and sign up for their 30 channels / cable Internet deal, you’re at the whims of their shaky servers. When outages occur (and they will), you have to call once when the outage starts, and then again once it stops in order to even try to argue a prorated bill. The technicians are not in sync with the home office, so everything they tell you is about as trustworthy as the promises of an Army recruiter at the end of a quota period (you’ll be a combat gardener stationed in Hawaii, I promise!).

Verizon has a more elaborate scheme that starts when you think you’re getting a $39 monthly bill that ends up being $47 after “additional fees” that “may apply”. Once you’re hooked, you have a web of rules similar to a second-grade game of Tag. No backsies, black-magic, no take-backs, magic safe spots, alternate bases… all this in grown-up legalese. Further, on occasion, you’ll find they slip in a few charges just to see if you’re on your toes.

The beauty of Capitalism works for the consumer only when we can tell one company “up yours” and switch to another. Verizon limits this with their $175 early contract withdrawal fee, and Comcast limits this by having no direct competitor. This crap gets way too old, and I don’t know why people have to put up with it.

…

And that’s the sum of my soapbox rant. Here’s a good spot to hear other soapbox rants when you’re ready to start new service:

http://www.consumeraffairs.com/

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