We’re in a bit of a bind here in the U.S. We just got out of a presidency that doubled the National Debt in 8 years – quite a feat by itself – and now we’re trying to break the high scores board on the Debt in order to get out of the funk left by the last 10+ years of excess. Spending our way out of the problem is all we know, and it’s costly.
Apparently most of the world wasn’t doing so hot before our economy tanked either. Half the world’s population lives on less than the cost of your morning mint mocha latte. Picture one of those rickshaws being dragged through the streets of Bangalore. Now picture someone sitting in that rickshaw. That dude is pretty damn good by most country standards.
Point is, we all need money. We’ve been living on borrowed money for too long, and now we’re unclear on where it all came from in the first place. So we can wait for some solid plan and long, arduous efforts to pay off, and I’m pretty sure the Germans’ invading days are over. So where to we turn?
Tax church!
Say whaaaat?! Damn skippy, you heard me. Temples, mosques, churches, cathedrals, monoliths, sanctuaries… if you’re preaching to folks and getting their money, and you use that money to pay staff and grow your property, you sound like a business to me. Start paying.
The last church we were a part of (until every sermon turned into an NPR-esque pledge-a-thon) once sent everyone a “campaign slip” asking what we were willing to pledge each week. We usually dropped $5-$10 each week, so we rounded up and said $10. Toward the end of that year, we got a letter in the mail stating how much we had pledged, how much we actually gave, and the difference. It might as well have said “Balance due“. That moment crystallized it for me. This church was collecting membership dues for it’s faith services. It was paying off the expenses of its recent expansion, rallying support for its future plans, and collecting dues from satisfied customers.
OK, sure, you can’t equate God or spiritual enlightenment with, say, used tires or designer shoes. You may not agree with even remotely considering the treatment of a church as a business because of it’s sacred foundation. But let’s be honest – there’s a lot of churches out there. And even if you feel yours is beyond reproach or any such consideration, you probably wouldn’t mind thumbing your nose down on some of the others out there. Episcopalians probably feel Protestant churches are the bees knees for example, but they don’t have the same motivation to protect Mormon temples. They’re like Division rivals. And then when you bring Shintoism, Sunnis and the Torah into the mix, well you probably tune the Episcopalian out altogether. Probably lose the Baptists, Catholics and Methodists as well.
So not all churches are sacred. Because if they were, then they’d all have equal worth in helping individuals seek inner-spirituality and harmony in life, and all would be equal paths to God. But clearly when you ask around, followers aren’t so broadly accepting. There’s a few right folks and a whole lot of wrong folks. And frankly it’s hard to tell as an innocent bystander.
Clearly churches have lots to say, and clearly they have a lot of frustration with that darned separation of church and state. When the various Catholic organizations rally against abortion, for example, they skate the line of church and lobby group. In fact, places of worship risk losing their 503c tax exemption if they tread public policy too much at the pulpit. I say, let’s alleviate this burden. Let every cleric, rabbi, imam and bishop speak clearly on anything they want. Let them condemn public restrooms. Let them rally against the month of February. Let them wage war against escalators. My point is, there’s a crazy train waiting to happen, and we’re missing a lot of good material. Can you really trust your spiritual leader until you know his or her stance on gay chipmunks?
Here’s another point: the Church… of… Scientology. That in itself is probably the best case for taxing churches. I can hardly say that phrase with a straight face. It’s like my tongue starts to form the “ch” sound at the beginning, and then a pale sickness washes through me and my brain wants to argue why it exists. Buddha, Abraham, Jesus, Mohamed – these folks have cred. But if you’re able to look past the fact that your religion was founded by a hack science fiction writer, a man paid to weave tales of fiction, then I’ve got a great timeshare opportunity for you in Boca Raton, Florida.
Exhale.
But I digress. These are fun notions to entertain. Of course nothing’s absolute, and there’s a lot of charitable activities that organizations of worship provide. Lord knows this isn’t a call to start taxing the United Way or the Red Cross, and clearly there’s a line to draw between organizations that do good, ones that do targeted good (here’s some bread, and look, a Bible!), and ones that simply grow (like the Ch… *choke*).
So, in this semi-facetious fashion, I gotta’ include a clip from Sarah Silverman. Certainly not what I’m proposing here, but hell if I can argue with the logic. You think Jesus ever envisioned a golden city in his name?
To put the notion in perspective, a quick look at what could show up on eBay.
